I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
