11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
