I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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