Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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