i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
