i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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