thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
