Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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