I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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