Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
