is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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