Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Randomize
