Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
