Yo dont text me then not text me
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
