There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
