Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
