is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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