I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
