She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
