Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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