Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
