Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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