In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
