okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
