just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
