Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
