just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize