Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I feel like a drive thru vagina
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
