piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
