He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
