What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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