I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
