i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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