What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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