I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
