i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
