My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
