My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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