if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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