don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
