Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
