i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I lost the right to judge tonight
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
