i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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