Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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