I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
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