While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
