I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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