Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
