it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
