im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
