omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
