My Higher Power is John Stamos
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
