Got a toothbrush?
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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