3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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