I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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