i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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