last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
