connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
