nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
