Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
