So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize