UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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