Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
