her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
