Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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