I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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