They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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